Blinder than a Bat, OK.

I need new glasses.

No. That sounds like I just need new frames. That’s just a three times a decade necessity, due to the fact I frequently fall asleep with my glasses on, sometimes drop them, and once had them stolen by a dog.

*deep breath.

I need bifocals.

The next time you see me, I will–probably, depending on how long it takes me to pick out frames–have bifocals. There, I’ve said it. People say that’s the hardest part. Obviously there are pros and cons to this.

Con-They’re more expensive.

Pro-I will be able to see

Con-Getting so old and decrepit that my eyes have to ‘hold my beer’ and get even worse than they were already. Seriously, it is apparently really rare for people with short-sightedness to need bifocals, but here I am.

Pro-Won’t get my hair caught in the legs of my glasses anymore as I prop them on top of my forehead so I can read ingredient lists.

Con-This is speculative one, but I bet I’m going to get more people commenting on the dark circles under my eyes. Look, I could sleep 20 hours out of every 24 and still have purple circles, I’ve had them since I was thirteen.

Pro-My glasses aren’t going to be stretched out (from putting them on top of my head) that they fly off every time I sneeze and/or cough (both of which I do quite a lot, i am a sneezy, wheezy person!),

Of course, i probably won’t have had them long when I get to Shimmer. So anyone going will get to enjoy me tripping over things and pulling weird faces as I try to see. Soz about that!

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